Saturday, August 26, 2006
Its been surreal being home. Yes it is home. It took me going back to South Africa to realize that this trip is it, the one that I say goodbye. My heart is still there and my soul still beats to the sounds of a cowhide drum, but my life is definitely in NY. It is home. 13 years after first leaving SA I can now look at the life I lead and be so grateful for all that I have. Its funny before I left I considered my house a bit of a wreck, Josh was pissing me off and I was spinning so fast trying to get this trip off the ground that I could barely stand. I kept on spinning through my 6 weeks in South Africa and I am back with a renewed sense of peace. My house is a castle and Josh the prince who resides in it with me. I feel grateful to have had 6 weeks to bond with my kids and we have in a way that is hard to describe. Its a warm fuzzy place where we hold hands and giggle. I never used to be able to take the time to do that.
This past week was so manic, I really do live at frenetic life. I came home late every night, one night because of work and then I had Mah Jongg, the next because of work and the next because I had a ladies night out at Bang restaurant with Debie and Lisa, followed by a late night hanging out for Shabbat dinner at my folks house.
Its funny when I was in South Africa I was telling Andi how I now knew I would never live in South Africa again and how I was not sure if I would even visit again. She asked me if that made me sad, I told her no, I spent 10 years mourning for a place that no longer exists there is a certain relief in finally being ok with where I am.
Its good to be at peace. At last.
Its funny because I am emmitting some strange vibes because wherever I go strangers are coming up to me and starting indepth conversations in a way they never have before, even my snobbish neighbours have made a point of going out of their way to greet me. Odd stuff.
While I was away Josh painted the kitchen for me and it looks so fabulous I just love sitting in it, its so tranquil.
I am so grateful to the powers that be for letting me be open enough to finally see what was there all along. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by my family, friends and the love of those who don't live nearby but I carry them in my heart wherever I go.
This past week was so manic, I really do live at frenetic life. I came home late every night, one night because of work and then I had Mah Jongg, the next because of work and the next because I had a ladies night out at Bang restaurant with Debie and Lisa, followed by a late night hanging out for Shabbat dinner at my folks house.
Its funny when I was in South Africa I was telling Andi how I now knew I would never live in South Africa again and how I was not sure if I would even visit again. She asked me if that made me sad, I told her no, I spent 10 years mourning for a place that no longer exists there is a certain relief in finally being ok with where I am.
Its good to be at peace. At last.
Its funny because I am emmitting some strange vibes because wherever I go strangers are coming up to me and starting indepth conversations in a way they never have before, even my snobbish neighbours have made a point of going out of their way to greet me. Odd stuff.
While I was away Josh painted the kitchen for me and it looks so fabulous I just love sitting in it, its so tranquil.
I am so grateful to the powers that be for letting me be open enough to finally see what was there all along. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by my family, friends and the love of those who don't live nearby but I carry them in my heart wherever I go.
# posted by Tammy @ 2:22 PM 
